The Mideast Beast to Begin Covering Real News

The Mideast Beast to Begin Covering Real News

The Mideast Beast, a satirical news source, has confirmed that they will begin to focus on reporting real news.  This comes at a time when real news and fake news are becoming less and less distinguishable. There have always been some that think satire is real and real news is fake, but recently the number of people unable to decipher between the two is increasing at an alarming rate. “Why expend effort to write something that outlandishly exploits the hidden...

Israel Defense Forces Accidentally Invades Lebanon

Israel Defense Forces Accidentally Invades Lebanon

In a seismic military blunder, the Israel Defense Forces (IDF) has mistakenly invaded Lebanon. In what was meant to be a large-scale military exercise in the north, the IDF rolled right through southern Lebanon and into Beirut on Monday morning. Resistance was minimal. Apparently, Hezbollah is stretched thin, being too busy in the Clown-Killing Circus, or Syria as it’s officially referred to. When The Mideast Beast asked how such a situation could possibly occur, the IDF Chief of Staff just shrugged his shoulders and...

WEATHER FORECAST

SUNDAY Hot girls on the beach in Tel Aviv
MONDAY Sunny with a chance of war somewhere
TUESDAY High chances of failed peace talks
WEDNESDAY Slight chance of chemical clouds over Syria
THURSDAY 100% chance of Israeli-Palestinian tension
FRIDAY 50/50 chance Turkey will be ruled by a dictator
SATURDAY Hot girls on the beach in Beirut
Trump ‘Playground-Tweets’ Iran

Trump ‘Playground-Tweets’ Iran

As Iranian protests have intensified, President Donald Trump has been increasingly vocal in support of them, even taking personal shots at Iranian President Hassan Rouhani. On Saturday, he tweeted, “It’s a wonderful thing when university students in other countries protest bad leaders. This Rouhani guy’s obviously not a genius or even like very smart. Sad!” Apparently not satisfied with this jab, an hour later, he tweeted again, “I bet his approval ratings aren’t great like mine. Oh, and I heard...

Palestinians Call for Trump-Bannon Peace Talks

Palestinians Call for Trump-Bannon Peace Talks

Describing the ongoing conflict between the US president and his former chief strategist as “unsustainable,” Palestinian leaders have called for peace talks between Donald Trump and Steve Bannon. “With around-the-clock negotiations and compromise on tough issues, we believe a resolution to this seemingly intractable dispute is possible,” Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas declared, adding emphatically, “We want this conflict to end!” Abbas proposed two rounds of negotiations. The first would deal with issues seen as manageable, such as Russia, Roy Moore,...

Hamas to Legalize Gay Suicide Bombers

Hamas to Legalize Gay Suicide Bombers

Hamas has agreed to allow gays to serve as suicide bombers as part of an overall campaign to liberalize the Gaza Strip. Ahmed al-Tabi, Hamas’ cultural minister promised that “a future of equality is in store for Palestinians” and that “the Zionist entity does not have a monopoly on progressive policies. And by the way, they’re still way, way behind most western countries despite all of the media hype. We’re just way, way, way behind.” “We want to create a...

ISIS Offers Anthony Weiner Asylum in Exchange for Contact Book

ISIS Offers Anthony Weiner Asylum in Exchange for Contact Book

Admitting that the group had nearly run out of underage girls for its fighters, the Islamic State has reached out to former US Congressman Anthony Weiner, offering the embattled politician asylum in the caliphate in exchange for his contact book. The offer comes as Weiner, once a leading candidate in New York City’s mayoral race, faces possible jail time after he allegedly exchanged sexually explicit messages with a 15-year-old girl through Twitter. “Anthony, join us in the land of the...

Porn Brings Israeli and Palestinian Teens Together at Co-Existence Summer Camp

Porn Brings Israeli and Palestinian Teens Together at Co-Existence Summer Camp

In turns out that, of all things, porn has helped Israelis and Palestinians find common ground for peace and coexistence. Yona Cohen, a 16-year old from Jerusalem told us, “I was at one of those ‘co-existence’ camps this past summer and I was bored out my mind. Figured I’d just pass the time by watching a little porn on my iPhone. That’s when Ahmed saw what I was looking at. I thought ‘shit, now I’m in trouble’ but he leaned over and...

Alternative Facts Might Just Be The Veil Of Truth For 2018

Alternative Facts Might Just Be The Veil Of Truth For 2018

With protests in Iran, fighting in Pakistan, and the usual failure of peace talks between Israelis and Palestinians, maybe Trump’s bizarre tweets are the “simple solution.” Hosts Molly Livingstone and Alex Giles discuss how tweets make headlines, headlines sound fake, and fake is now killing satire. After all, if the headlines sound like a joke, then what material do we have to work with? It’s a conversation you’ll want to be a part of, even if it means you may...

President Trump May Join TMB Writing Team

President Trump May Join TMB Writing Team

Estimates that Trump will have made a record 2000 false claims during his first year as POTUS have prompted the editors of The Mideast Beast to offer him a part-time position on TMB’s writing team. According to Reuters, Trump was the ultimate source of fake news this past year, and consequently should be targeting himself in his attempts to eliminate fake news sources. Analyses have shown that during 2017 Trump invented more facts about Middle Eastern affairs than the entire...

ISIS Replaces Beheading Videos with Live Streams of Camels in Labor

ISIS Replaces Beheading Videos with Live Streams of Camels in Labor

After a YouTube stream of April the giraffe giving birth in a New York zoo last spring reached a live audience of 1.2 million viewers, ISIS has announced that they will be replacing their infamous beheading videos with live streams of camels in labor. A spokesperson predicted that this tactical move will result in much more successful recruitment rates from the West, specifically North America. An online poll revealed that 45% of Americans expect to have a “more favorable outlook...